just sharing my thoughts

Well, just wanting to share 

Was feeling abit depressed over what was happening in my family.... my aunt's illness and stuff. Guess i'm still reeling at the shock of how serious it was, and the speed of the spreading of the cancer... I mean, no words can aptly describe how i really feel. And i can totally understand how my cousin feel.. I mean, u know? When i was with him last friday away from the ward, he told me how serious it was. There and then i felt a sick feeling in my stomach.

Not just that. I also sense my cousin's bravery. I felt that he know that he can totally share how he felt. Even though it's not in words, but i can clearly feel how he feels. I totally understand that when he's with her, he can't afford to shed tears infront of her.. As the older son, he has to hold the rim, he has to be the comforter to my aunt. All the tears that are supposed to flow out, all had to flow backward. I think it's hard for him to be able to relate what he really feels to anyone.

But i'm glad that though he does not speak in words, but i can totally understand how he really felt, becoz i think i feel the same way. And i know that all of us really really really hope that there is more time...

Thinking about it, caused me to feel quite down. And all the negative thoughts just flow in like nobody's business. And well... felt a bit depressed these days. The only thing i did to release it is to chiong on the treadmill. And i really run like mad, making myself huffing and puffing throughout the 20min run. That feeling totally made me forget what is happening around me and in my life.

Guess this is what i really want to share. It's been hinging in my brain for like days, and before i really go bonkers thinking and thinking and thinking, glad that i can just write it out. Not that i really cared that anyone would read this though.