I need to VENT my frustrations somewhere.

You expected it to be part B of viewers choice right?

NO. Not yet. At least, not really in the mood in this post. Maybe next post.

As you can see in my title, i need to vent my frustration somewhere.

Well, i guess all the frustrations stems from the peers that i have. U know, people of my age, able to achieve things easily .....are THINGS that i find a struggle.

Like simple planning. Ok, the office shift to me is a big struggle to plan. But to others, it may seem easy. I could have been staring at the inventory list for like eons, and what my peer did: she showed me in an excel sheet, and within 5 mins, the whole inventory list is done.

Hmmm. At that point in time, i was firstly in awe, that it could be so simple, and yet that moment i felt so stupid. It is a simple thing, and yet i took a LOOONNG while to understand what was needed.

My job is totally operational. I totally dunno when i can really breakthrough this. I'm starting to consider the opportunity cost on my degree. Though it brought me this:

Jenna C**** P*** H**, Bcomm (mgt + mktg), Adv. Dip (B.A), Dip (B.A)

But yet, i lose, the 2.5 years of experience i could have accumulated.

But, i cannot regret it. Because i have got my degree 2 years ago. It's the opportunity cost that i have decided to forego, when i embarked on my degree program. There's no way of turning back the clock.

I feel a sense of loss, because, for one, i want to do my work well. I want to have satisfaction at work. I want to be excellent in everything that i do, at work. But, with my lack of experience, and being still very 'raw', i know that no matter how lugi a task it can be, i have to grib my teeth and go through the hurtful process of the truth about myself, that I CAN'T DO IT.

Truly, it's really in the times of difficulty, that you realize your capacity.

It's been a month of challenges. Office shift has taken the wind out of me. It has also caused me to realize how... HELPLESS.... I am.

I have been trying so hard to hang on to the fact that i can, but i just couldn't hang on to it for now. I try so hard to be the best that i can be, but i know that i really lack the strength. I'm losing the strength to carry on. I'm getting more and more unhappy about it.

I need to have tenacity. I need to bounce back. I need capacity to go through even more truths about myself.

For now, No words will comfort me at all. I just need to know what do i need to do, to get out of this rut.

I think i need a break. I am so tired. I need to find back the wind that has been knocked out of me. Maybe i'll apply leave for next week. Maybe i want to go chill out somewhere.